Why do I blog?

Why do you blog?

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged on this website. This prompt from my WordPress app seems as good a reason to restart as any other.

When I first started blogging back in 2012, I was documenting my journey in India. I moved on to writing about Indian books, Indian writing, and Indian politics—all things Indian.

But then I returned to the States in 2017, and I seemed to have lost my way, my voice, my purpose.

I went back to work and started writing for others rather than myself.

I suddenly found that I had nothing to say.

I’ve tried to restart my blog a few times. Once, when I finally came out of a years-long reading slump thanks to audiobooks. Once, when I thought I might put some real effort into branding this website. Neither project lasted very long. Because reasons.

I ended up on TikTok where I share my love of audiobooks, history, marketing, and, of course, occasional videos of my chihuahua Peanut. I especially enjoy the intersection of history and marketing. But that effort feels more like shouting into the void than actual writing. At least for me.

Video just isn’t my medium. I prefer the pseudo-anonymity of writing to having my face splashed across cyberspace. It’s why I work in corporate communications rather than pursuing any fleeting hopes I once had of publishing a novel. I don’t like the attention that being a published author brings. Unfortunate in an economy driven by attention—and vibes.

At the end of last year, I read Ross Gay’s Inciting Joy. He narrates this collection of essays himself. They are at their core about the moments that spark joy in our lives. But these moments often come from a place of pain and grief. My favorite line from the book became my mission statement for the year:

“Grief is the metabolization of change.” Ross Gay, Inciting Joy, page 218, 7:11

Metabolization became my word for the year, but it seems grief has its place as well.

Recently, I’ve been thinking of writing again because I finally have a story to tell.

That story is a difficult one, and I hesitate to even tell it because in the telling I will open myself up in a way that will leave me vulnerable. A feeling with which I’ve always been uncomfortable.

Let’s get uncomfortable.